Thursday...

Today is the big day for me
When I get to see if I got what was promised
You see I made my first big purchase
Well, first big one for me
I bought a camera

A camera you say?
Yes, a camera
A DSLR
Canon XTi
With two lenses

A week's worth of working bought me that
Before my biggest purchase was a iMac for my Dad
It was worth it to repay him back for all the years
And to show my appreciation to him and my Mom
She uses it too but it was mainly for him

I should buy my mom something one day
I had an idea for her birthday but I couldn't do it then
I had bad information and thought she wouldn't want it
Now I know better
Christmas maybe or maybe sooner

So Saturday I go home to get my camera
I sent it home because I did want anything bad to happen
We are not home during the day
I am work and she's at school and work
So safer to send it home

I feel a disconnect at times with people
With people my own age
I feel as if I am older
That I am further ahead
Not in life or in success

But I feel that I am ahead in my position in life
I know that contradicts what I said above
But I cannot really explain it without risking insult
I know I am only 24/25 and just and intern
But personal life wise I feel further ahead

Part of it is the fact that I am no longer in college
That I work with people older than me
I am the second youngest at the office
With the other turning 21 this year
Closest in age to me are those that are 28/29

Strangely I feel closer to them mentally then people my age
I guess my mental stage is more of theirs
I am more concerned with starting a life
Then going out to parties and clubs every weekend
Just not my thing anymore there is way more to life


I think I even felt that way a year or two ago
I just do not see why people spend so much time on image
Especially when you are in college
I mean take it seriously
Ya you can have fun but not at the sake of your education

I learned that one the hard way my first years in college
If I could I would start the first 3 years over again
Take it more seriously and not brush it off
Not hold the material things on such a high plain
And take the educational things more importantly

I know I cannot change the past but maybe others can learn from my mistakes
Granted I have a degree but my GPA was not great
My aspirations of going to Graduate school are so/so due to that
A MS in GIS might be possible due to my work experience
But one in Planning would be hard due to my GPA

I know I know do not worry about Grad school
But I do because it is something that I want
I want it because I feel that Undergraduate does not focus enough on what is important in work
I wish that we could have focused more
But sadly half your college career is spent on "well-rounding" you

Wow I went from a camera to feeling out of touch to college

I see all the pictures of people partying, drinking, etc
Theses are their profile pictures
What does that say about you?
Is that the message you are trying to convey
That you are a party animal, a drinker

There is nothing wrong with that
But if you are like in your late 20's early 30's still doing that
Something is wrong with you...seriously
You pick a profile picture that portrays you
A picture of you passed out is something that you should not do

Nor am I advocating one of you studying
Or one of you working in the office
I am just saying that at my age, our age
We should pick something different
This is part of my disconnect

Note: I am not trying to sound high and mighty

I look around and still see people acting like it is high school
It is not
No this is not directed at certain people
I see this among my peers


Granted I go out on Fridays and have a few drinks with the co-workers
We have a good time
But it is not till 1-2 in the morning
It's not every week
It's on payday actually...lol

But that does not define me
It is not what I find memorable about that week
It is not the main part of my conversations with people
My week does not fall apart if there is no party or bar to go to
God I sound like an asshole

Again this is hard for me to explain

I am sure there are others that feel this way
You look around and see others all obsessed with their material and image wealth
And you are thinking "When will they wake up and realize that in the real world no one cares"
What matters is how good of a worker are you
How can you apply what you know to what you are doing

Being the frat boy or sorority girl
The jock
The party prince or princess
The beer king or queen
Is not cool anymore

But maybe I am just naive and not as grown up as I think
Maybe my aspirations to have a good life is wrong
To save for the future is ill advised
To want to have a good life for us and any additions is futile
Maybe it is like they say, live by the sword and die by the sword